Cunt Trumpet Music
So I've been asking around about pussy farting. About queefs. I've been searching high and low for hard facts. And nothing. I did come across a website boasting of Girls who like to smell Farts and eat Pussy Cheese. Not exactly helpful to my cause. What I have found is, there are plenty of uneducated people out there. Specifically Men.
I don't understand how men can be disgusted by a pussy fart, which in reality is not even a fart. It's this polite little sound that comes out of a twat. It's more of a... Thank you for humping me and thrusting all that air inside. And then comes this cute little Whooooosh of air. Men don't have any right to be all grossed out and make us ladies embarrassed about it. It's not even our fault. I'm certain any orifice would make a sound if you shoved something in it over and over and over again, real fast and hard.
Some girls know their shit when it comes to serious queefing, emitting blast after blast with ease. It sounds easy, but takes skill. Some say it's easier if you're loose. Others claim it's the control of your PC muscle that helps. Regardless, it is entirely possible, sometimes spontaneous and can be embarrassing if you whoooosh out of context. But it's funny, so don't get all sad about it and never call that guy/girl again for frapping your poon in their face. Go out with style. You'll give 'em another and they'll like it. Dammit.
A good position for pussy farts is doggy style. Classically known to help thrust the cock further and deeper into the box, doggy style might be one of the key creators of cunt trumpet music. After being stuffed from behind, a girl can barely stand up without letting several phffffft frrrrrt pfffffft shhhhhhhhh mmmmfffffftttt toot tttttttfffffft noises out. Hopefully the one doing the stuffing knows how to handle this situation. It can be a bit embarrassing. Especially if it's the first fuck.
My weirdo friend Jimmy of Queens, N.Y. is a slut who would have sex with anything, so obviously he would be the one to answer my questions. "It's like real wet nasty sex even if the sex isn't real nasty and wet," he says. "You can get the same sound from like, two bellies rubbing together. When that happens it's just funny, like haha, our bellies farted. But pussy farts, that's like a real sexy sound."
So with the subject of queefing fresh in mind, I met up with the boys for a few beers and made them confess how they felt about pussy farts. They were well-lacquered before I even got there so I think it's safe to say their judgement was not accurate.
That didn't go exactly as planned. But you get the idea. Some are uneducated about queefs. And some are just, uneducated.
So, you won't be banished to an island of gross frapping women if you queef a lot. You are not a weirdo and you are not alone.
fffft ffffft phhhhhhht phhhhhht